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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I came to the conclusion last night that JoJo doesn't like me... or I guess to be more specific, she doesn't respect me. She'd much rather do whatever it is she wants to do.

DH is gone at work all day. That leaves me home to be the disciplinarian to the dog (and the kiddos
). I'm always the one to stop her from harrassing the cat (she's taken to biting him and ends up with a big mouthful of hair). I'm the one who stops her from eating poo (which, you know, is fun...BLEH). I'm the one who won't let her steal things and eat them (you know, b/c shoes and the kids toys are really for eating).

Yesterday was such a rough day with JoJo, as she seemed to just do whatever she wanted to do, all while staring at me to see if I was watching.
My patience wore VERY thin.
DH comes home and she's all zoomy for him and jumping on him - which she's not supposed to do, yet does anyway but only on him or our daughter when she comes home from school.
Dinner times rolls around. We make her sit and stay for a few seconds before she can go eat her dinner. She wouldn't even come near me when I set her bowl down. She ran around like it was a game...could she get to her bowl by running around the kitchen island without having to listen to me or come near me?

I play with her, work with her, provide her with plenty of treats. I talk with her all day, take her for walks (though lately she could use more). Yet, she doesn't respect me as her mom.

I have no idea what to do.
 

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Ahhhhhh. I see this happening in our house too. I am the one that feeds Ben, walks Ben, disciplines Ben, etc. But when daddy is home Ben is much better behaved, calmer and listens better. Daddy is also the one that play wrestles with him and does fun stuff.

My friend once lamented to me when she was staying home with her own kids that she was like water and dad was like (soda) pop. The kids <span style="font-weight: bold">needed</span> her b/c she did all the parenting stuff for them on a day to day basis. But the kids <span style="font-weight: bold">wanted</span> dad b/c when he came home he was fun and playful. She never felt unloved, but she found it hard being the constant. Does that make sense?
 

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It could be that she's just acting out against you because you're the main one (the only one?) who disciplines her and challenges her position as top dog. Correct me if I assume too much, but from what you've written above, it sounds like you're doing the majority of the *work* of training the dog and keeping her in her place, regardless of what humans are home. JoJo may feel she's the alpha in the house (being allowed to jump up on your husband and daughter and playing with them) and has just you to battle for authority - you may be the one she chooses to disobey and not listen to because she feels like your DH and daughter will let her get away with whatever.

Everyone else could take turns disciplining JoJo - for instance, your husband or daughter could feed her, they could take her for at least one walk in the evenings, work on discipline and tricks with her, scold her if they see her doing something naughty. Another important step might be them not allowing JoJo to jump on them unless allowed.

In addition, you might find it helpful to spend more time just relaxing or playing with her in a situation that doesn't call for a lot of correction or obedience (maybe just sitting around watching tv or playing with one of her toys), if you have the leisure time and she will stand for it.
 

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I turn into chopped liver as soon as my GF gets home from work. When I get home, they are crazy and up my arse. I take them out, feed them and play with them. Soon as she gets home they are in her lap sleeping.
 

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First, im no expert. second, i just read a book called
Merles Door that was SO enlightening on dog behavior.
i think you are witnessing a bit of the Pack mentality and the 'alpha'/ subordinate relationship that many dog behaviorists (professional or self professed) refer to.
thing is, the dogs seem to pick up who is the alpha in the family, not necessarily who is alpha to 'them' so much.
And be sure that every little detail is whatched. things like... who gets up earlier, who puts the human food on the table, when you kiss, who is shorter, etc. many more things than we notice, since they dont speak english they watch....

We have used the 'sit means sit' method for training, and it seems to give my wife better results when she is alone with the dogs. She is MUCH more affectionate to them than i am, she dotes over them and gives them many more treats, but no question they listen to me better and pay more attention to my commands.
sometimes i wonder if it is simply testosterone vs estrogen.
but more treats and more praise will NOT get you more respect.
C.
 

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I do everything for our dogs too. All my husband does is give them love. Thankfully they do listen to me but then I think it is because I do have an authoritative manner about me and I am fairly consistent. It doesn't bother me that they are all over him when he gets home. It is appreciated sometimes as it gives me 5 minutes peace from them. lol I have never understood why dogs and children act so differently with a man than they do with a woman, but I wholeheartedly believe that they do regardless of who does everything to care for them.
 

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Sounds like my kids! They are at their worst with me after school (usually) and when Daddy walks in you would never know there had been a problem!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
At least I'm not the only one dealing with this!

Honestly, I'm fairly certain I'm the alpha of the house. DH is taller, but I run the house and it's fairly clear - or should be at least - that I'm in charge.


Her training is lacking, so that could be a part of it. DH isn't as consistant as I am but does try. She just chooses not to really listen to him like she does to me. (which she'll do for a short time, then do whatever she wants until she gets corrected again - for possibly the 40th time that day)
My daughter's only 6, so she's trying.

We're really working on the jumping thing, and now JoJo's taken to biting. I'm NOT happy about it, and she's been known to come behind the kids and bite their bottoms. Or tug at their pants.

I just...I guess the way she reacts is more like she's afraid of me?? She gets low to the ground, gets submissive...I don't like it and I don't want her to feel like that. I love her so much, and know some of it has to be from her past home(s). She had some definite baggage when we adopted her. But it's just getting out of control lately. Tonight, when I called her out and put her food down, she ran out to the living room for no apparent reason. She didn't eat this morning, so she hadn't eaten all day...I figured she'd be starving. But she refused to go in the kitchen if I were out there. She didn't want to sit to get her food and ran away like I was going to hurt her (which, no way, I wasn't!).

We've had her for 3.5 months now and it's just getting worse.
I think I need to read that book!
 

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One of the best investments we made was training classes. Granted, Murphy is growing up and naturally maturing, but there were a lot of tricks, tips and techniques that were demonstrated to us. We were then able to bring them home and work on them and the change in Murphy was noticeable.

He's still mischievous on occasion but he's much better behaved and seems more secure with his place in the pack. Consistency is really important and I can tell a difference in his behavior if we start to slack off on the consistency of how we handle him.

Good luck!
 

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Molly lsitens to me (most of the time) out of respect, she listens to hubby because she is terrified of him (most of the time). She has a thing about men and is just afraid of them in general. In our house, Andy is the alpha dog and then my hubby and I try to be the alphas over all of them.
 

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As stated above, consistency is very important. All family members should be correcting the same bad behavior. No jumping means no jumping.

In our house we try to share the responsibilities. I feed in a.m., husband feeds in p.m. He plays with her when he gets home in the early afternoon. I play with her in the evening. However, I am definitely the Alpha in our house. Some times Snoopy forgets that and challenges me. I then have to remind her...I am Alpha, she is Beta and we aren't sure where daddy falls.
 

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First of all, I would stop thinking about getting her to see you as 'mum'. The less you think of your relationship with her with human concepts the easier you will find it to be the alpha of the pack.

I totally understand what you mean when you say you don't want her to be fearful or overly submissive towards you. I don't want to see that in my dogs, either. Dominance and pack theory gets thrown around a lot these days and while it's great to make sure your dog sees you as the alpha, you don't want to try to achieve this in a way that makes the dog fearful or overly submissive towards you. As the alpha they should be excited to spend time with you and happy to work with you.

IMO, a lot of people get confused between being assertive and being aggressive. Pack leaders are assertive, but not aggressive, your dog should obey you because they want to not because you have forced them to do so.

However, having said that, don't let her unfortunate past make you feel guilty about being assertive. The best thing you can give her is a stable home with a stable, consistent pack leader (you).

I would make her day more structured. Do short training sessions with her throughout the day, no more than 10 minutes each - don't be afraid to do short training sessions, you want to keep the dog's interest and attention even if they only go for a minute or two or three to start with. When training Daisy even now I keep training short and I always end on a high note when she is still interested and wanting more - as this means she will be even more eager for the next training session.

Don't feel like you have to rush her into learning lots of commands either, I prefer to teach one or two commands at a time, get them solid and then move onto the next one. So for her sits - get her doing them on both hand and voice commands, get her sitting reliably and quickly while maintaining focus on you. The same with down etc. Don't rush it, move at her own pace.

She sounds like she has lots of energy and is quite food driven so use that to your advantage. I would stop giving treats outside of your structured training sessions so training becomes more exciting and of a higher value to her. Every time you go to train, give her the 'ready to work?' command or similar so she knows what's coming and her excitement builds.

You might also like to read this training program, called the Triangle of Temptation, I have used it on my dogs for years and it's fantastic. I think it will help you to bond more to JoJo and get her to see you as the alpha. It will also give you a more structured routine to feeding times, the program starts by putting the dog on a leash so JoJo won't be able to run away from you. It only uses positive methods so it's hard to go wrong as long as you follow it exactly:

http://www.dolforums.com.au/index.php?showtopic=64101
 
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