Joined
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517 Posts
Got this on my email today and thought there MIGHT be someone here that could relate...??
[sorry if a repost-didnt see it]
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Whoever said, "LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE" didn't sleep with dogs. The first thing
you discover when you bring a dog into your bed is the striking difference in
weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.
Rule #1: The deeper the sleep the heavier the dog.
Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the
heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate
part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until
they have achieved the center position on the bed, with all covers carefully
tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective
in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog
can worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action
from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.
Rule #2: The deeper the sleep the louder the dog.
As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have
thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping,
growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of
canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running", lots of eye
movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a
banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's
particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your
head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.
Rule #3: When the dog wakes, you wake.
The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a
dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dog flesh sleeps breathing
heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, its dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog
has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position
itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains
excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your
sleeping bodies, or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting
ear.
So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that
we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night safe, contented, heavy, and
loud.
[sorry if a repost-didnt see it]
--------------
Whoever said, "LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE" didn't sleep with dogs. The first thing
you discover when you bring a dog into your bed is the striking difference in
weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.
Rule #1: The deeper the sleep the heavier the dog.
Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the
heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate
part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until
they have achieved the center position on the bed, with all covers carefully
tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective
in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog
can worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action
from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.
Rule #2: The deeper the sleep the louder the dog.
As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have
thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping,
growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of
canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running", lots of eye
movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a
banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's
particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your
head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.
Rule #3: When the dog wakes, you wake.
The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a
dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dog flesh sleeps breathing
heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, its dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog
has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position
itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains
excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your
sleeping bodies, or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting
ear.
So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that
we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night safe, contented, heavy, and
loud.
