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Discussion Starter #1
I have shared with some of you that my 92 year old mother has dementia. It had been my hope that we would be able to keep my mother in her house until she died. The dementia is progressing. My mother has both visual and auditory hallucinations. She is living in a perpetual state of fear. It is so hard. There is no consoling her, because the things she fears are not based in reality. She will be afraid, wherever she goes, because her delusions will follow her. Please pray for God to be merciful. Please pray for my family and me as we struggle to do what we need to do.

Thank you!
 

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Im so sorry. I know exactly what you're going through as my mother was the same. Fortunately i was able to get her in assisted living even though she wasn't happy about it. She wasn't capable or safe of being alone in her house located on an isolated hill. I kept telling her she could go home "soon". She passed away after 7yrs in that facility at 92. I thank god for their help.
 

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(((((hugs)))))
I hope your family can figure something out.
Both my parents are gone and fortunately I never had to deal with this situation.
techie
 

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I'm very sorry to hear about your mom. It can be so emotionally draining for family to watch and to care for. I have a brother who has schizophrenia (albeit different from dementia) and he lived with me for a time and it was heartbreaking and very tiring. My heart goes out to you and your mom.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
My mother was admitted to the hospital, last night/this morning. I say that, because we got her to the hospital dinner time and she spent 6 hours in the waiting room. Then, she spent 4 hours in the exam room. My cousin and I are exhausted. I dropped my cousin off at her house around 5am, rolled into my house at 5:30, got to bed at 6:00. And - Mom's doctor called me at 9:00. UGH!

Mom's dementia had gotten even worse. She had started to cough and had chills. We took her to the hospital. Turns out she has influenza A. Yes, she did get the worthless flu shot. They thought she had pneumonia, but that has been ruled out. She was also diagnosed with a UTI, which could be the reason for the escalation in her dementia. She is tired and weak. I visited today, but let her sleep.
 

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Gosh, it sounds typical of ERs and their triage process. Reading your post made me re-live my experiences with my parents. I so sympathize with your situation. Unfortunately it doesnt get easier from this point. Sending you hugs.
 

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I'm sorry Jan! It's not hard anyway around is it? I think her safety is a big concern and you may have to have her in a safe place. My mom is in the hospital as well for pneumonia. We spent 10.5 hours in the ER last night before she got to a room. I was so shocked by the Er and all the people there. Hugs my friend! Take care of yourself as well.
 

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I'm sorry Jan! It's not hard anyway around is it? I think her safety is a big concern and you may have to have her in a safe place. My mom is in the hospital as well for pneumonia. We spent 10.5 hours in the ER last night before she got to a room. I was so shocked by the Er and all the people there. Hugs my friend! Take care of yourself as well.
Oh no not you too. Sorry you guys i really know your struggles. Its when the hospitalizations start multiplying. Hang in there..
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I'm sorry Jan! It's not hard anyway around is it? I think her safety is a big concern and you may have to have her in a safe place. My mom is in the hospital as well for pneumonia. We spent 10.5 hours in the ER last night before she got to a room. I was so shocked by the Er and all the people there. Hugs my friend! Take care of yourself as well.
I'm so sorry about your Mom. She will be in my prayers as well. HUGS!
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Today was a hard day. The doctors are talking about releasing my Mom already, even though she is high risk, being treated for flu and the UTI. They just don't keep patients very long. We were hoping, once the UTI was treated, she would go back to her 'regular' amount of dementia. Unfortunately, she is still telling tales of her fears from home. This might be her new baseline. I dunno.

We have the option of putting her in rehab for 2 weeks. I think that is the best thing to do. Give us time to breathe and figure things out. My head tells me this is right, but my heart hurts. I cried all the way home. This sucks.
 

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Today was a hard day. The doctors are talking about releasing my Mom already, even though she is high risk, being treated for flu and the UTI. They just don't keep patients very long. We were hoping, once the UTI was treated, she would go back to her 'regular' amount of dementia. Unfortunately, she is still telling tales of her fears from home. This might be her new baseline. I dunno.

We have the option of putting her in rehab for 2 weeks. I think that is the best thing to do. Give us time to breathe and figure things out. My head tells me this is right, but my heart hurts. I cried all the way home. This sucks.
Jan , yes it sucks but for her safety it would be best to place her. If you have a long break between the discharge the the placement some benefits might not kick in. Talk to a discharge or financial planner at the rehab/convalescent hosp, they're helpful. You can check homes at www.nursinghomecompare.gov
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Thank you, Joann. The hospital will have to hold her until Friday, for her to qualify to go into the rehab facility. So, she would probably go to rehab Friday or Saturday. I am giving the social worker our top two facility preference today.
 

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Sometimes decisions are made for us. If she were still at home you would struggle more to place her somewhere. Now that she is sick it is necessary to go this route. You can also speak to the social worker and do research into nearby homes. I know it's hard and I hear your heart also, but it sounds like it is time. My mom surprised me and said when the time comes she is ok to go to the cancer home for hospice. She has always said she doesn't want to go to a home. She said her mother and sister died at home and she doesn't want to die in my home and have to walk by that room in my house knowing she died there. I think a person knows and understands. Hang in there and take a breath for yourself today.
 

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Discussion Starter #18 (Edited)
Sometimes decisions are made for us. If she were still at home you would struggle more to place her somewhere. Now that she is sick it is necessary to go this route. You can also speak to the social worker and do research into nearby homes. I know it's hard and I hear your heart also, but it sounds like it is time. My mom surprised me and said when the time comes she is ok to go to the cancer home for hospice. She has always said she doesn't want to go to a home. She said her mother and sister died at home and she doesn't want to die in my home and have to walk by that room in my house knowing she died there. I think a person knows and understands. Hang in there and take a breath for yourself today.
Bless your heart Barb. Your mother is a dear. My father died in hospice care 17 years ago today. He opted to go there, rather than in-home hospice. It was very peaceful and he got the very best of care.

My mother is 92. Until this illness, from which she will probably recover, she had no life threatening physical health issues. The dementia is hard, because sometimes she is more 'there'. She can answer all the standard questions, name, date of birth, address, recognizes people, etc. It is the paranoia, delusions and hallucinations. I almost wish she was the little old lady who didn't remember anything. I think it would be easier. She is so scared. And that is what breaks my heart.
 

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I understand exactly what you're having to deal with. My Dad had Parkinson's and it's difficult to watch. Even though we knew the end was nearing it was hard to watch. You think your ready for it, but you never really are.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
 
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