[Tucker]

It's that time of year again when I have to start thinking about performance reviews again. I don't mind receiveing them, but hate giving them. At my work we have to nail down raises by mid November with the actual reviews in December.

Anyway, What would be the Job Description for a Beagle and how would you rate his performance?

ie -
1. Must be proficient at keeping every last crumb off the floor, even behind heavy or immovable furniture.

Exceeds expectations - Not only keeps crumbs off floors, but also tries to keep the counters clear of food.

 

[cobismom]

2. Must be quick to determine friend or foe, with the proper greeting to be given. Slobbery kisses are NOT for the mailman!

Cobi -- exceeds this expectation, although sometimes to quick with the warnings

Casie --- well he's just a pup, very quick with the slobber for the mailman and any other person who comes to the door; except son #2, whom for some reason he thinks is an intruder.

Cathy

 

[Java]

2. Wags tail at least 75% of the time when the beagle is not asleep or pooping.

Exceeds expectations:
Tail wags furiously on it's own.

3. Must examine everything his/her human is holding or carrying around home.

Exceeds expectations:
Sniff, lick, or paw at said items at least 75% of the time.

 

[Murphys Dad]

4. Must be proficient at requesting tummy rubs.

Exceed expectations by automatically turning tummy up if touched when lying down.

 

[WorshipTheBeagle]

Guard Duty: Must bark, howl, and scamper after all critters great and small keeping them from intruding in the back and front yard. This includes squirrels, rabbits, cats, birds, and even the wind.. [score: 100%. wakes up from sleep to go bay at the intruders in the backyard. How employee even hears or is aware of one small squirrel running across the fence is beyond me!]

Dedication to work: Will meet and greet boss when he and/or she comes home at night. Make sure they didn't cheat on you with food by smelling boss's breath. Keeps the boss honest! Make sure to cuddle up with them under the covers on cold nights when watching TV or when it's time for bed. [score: 90% employee keeps us way too warm under the covers, which is ok, but stinky farts garner a 10% deduction...]

Hard working and Honesty: Employee should respect the workplace by keeping it clean and orderly, and not take anything behind boss's back. Toys should be put away at the end of the day and workspace kept tidy. [score: 18%...Ha, like employee ever tried to NOT steal food! Always cleans self (ie:butt, paws, other employees ears) but never picks up after self, leaving toys strewn about, blankets mussed, pillows overturned, and slobber on kitchen floor in front of stove, refridgerator, and food dish. Employee eagerly cleans all plates and bowls and cooking utensils but still leaves paw prints on floor and countertop edges, as well as leaving furballs in every corner of every room. It's even been found in the boss's ear! Employee could use more work in this area....)

 

[threedognight]

5. Punctuality. Beagle consistantly reports for meals on
time and alerts human promptly at 9pm for bed time treat.

Chloe: Exceeds expectations. Never misses either.

 

[deedeebee]

6. Gardening. Dig enough holes for all the new flowers that need to be planted.

 

[fauxpasta]

7. Customs inspection of soft toys, socks, and paper objects. All these objects must be chewed upon, chewed apart, and in the case of the soft toys, destuffed to ensure they do not contain objects dangerous for the boss, such as squeakers, mysterious delicious things, or monsters. All socks and paper objects must be inspected for the safety of the humans in the house, even if mommy/daddy says no and asks the beagle to drop it.

 

[Lucy's Mom]

8. Labeling: Must ensure fur visible on any person leaving home location.

Exceeds expectations: Grows single hairs that are both black and white (to show on anything), and ensures they become woven into the fabric all clothing of the family.

 

[Joe Johnston]

9. Drool licking: must clean up the drool pool which flows like the river jordan when humans are eating. Some of the stalagtites of drool that form at the corner of the mouth are a safety concern which could be a slip hazard.

Police your drool pool Beagle